One of the most difficult stages in life is when our children become adults and start making their own decisions/choices. We want them to do things our way and they simply, don't. Of course, this downhill process begins when they go to middle school and then high school. We hear from everyone their remedies and/or solutions and we wonder why our children do not respond like their’s did. What’s wrong with us, anyway?

Well, now they are adults themselves and doing, who knows what. All we want is for them to listen and do it our way. Why is that so difficult?

It’s simple. They are adults and know we have no control. We are, in many cases, the problem. We need to realize we have no control, as well.

Some of our kids are making choices about schools, money, jobs, drugs, sex, religion and some of our kids, are having kids, way to young.

The hardest thing for us as parents is watch and do nothing. Some of us pray but even that does not seem to be enough. We have to have boundaries though. If they are doing something and still living with you, you can let them know they don’t have to live with you if they can’t live in a fashion that keeps your home in tact. If they are not living with you, you are always free to express your opinions in a respectful manner and then, here comes the hard part, walk away and let them be.

Loving them well, means teaching them to be productive adults and this means making it uncomfortable for them, at times.

It is important for you to stand firm with your own values and do not rescue them out of trouble when they have repeatedly made the same bad choice over and over again.  When you rescue them, you enable them to continue in their distructive behaviors. When there is no consequence, they will keep on doing whatever they want. Here are some examples:

A young man in his early 20’s asks for money all the time and his drug addiction gets worse.  If you tell this man you will buy him food or clothes but never give him cash again, the truth of the matter may be that he will not call anymore. You have just helped him to not have so much easy access to the drugs. The sad part for us as parents is that we will not hear from him too much but in the long run, it is truly what is best for everyone involved.

A Woman 21 is living in her apartment that you are paying for while she is in school. You find out that she is not actually staying there but with her boyfriend. For crying out loud, just stop paying the rent. This means she will either continue staying with him and you are not paying for it, or she will move back home. Either way, you are not losing all that money anymore. This is hard because she will be mad at you and maybe stop talking to you for a while but you are teaching her that she can’t take advantage of your generosity and that she now has to make a very adult decision.

Remember that the most important thing is to not push so hard that it means it will break your lines of communication. Loving them means always listening, sharing your wisdom and letting them make their own choices. You do not ever have to agree, give in or enable. This will just keep them in their distructive patterns. Find ways to laugh together. This keeps a good bond between you Just be strong and love them well.

I dare you, give it a try!