Well, if you read our last post, the intro to this series, you read about the wide range of emotions that will be flying around during a marriage that is ending. Let’s start there.

What emotions are the most common? Anger, disappointment and pain. Whether it was financial, an affair or relational stuff that lead to your break-up, there is going to be all of these very strong emotions. It might be good to seek counseling. Maybe find a good friend or family member you trust to do all of the venting before you begin trying to make decisions.

Anger is a very strong and powerful emotion. It is what people see/notice, them most. It is not a primary emotion, however. It is a secondary emotion. What do I mean by this? I mean the anger comes from somewhere deeper than what is usually seen. It will most commonly follow a deep pain or disappointment. One should never allow their anger to take control over their behavior. It is important for those experiencing anger to take control over it. Depression is sometimes referred to as internal anger. When a person becomes consumed with anger, it is sometimes pushed inside so deeply that the anger is buried. When it finally comes out, it is explosive. He/she needs to be checked for depression in a clinical situation, due to not getting it out of their system an other positive ways.

Pain and disappointment are primary emotions. They sting the absolute most. These emotions do not go away easily. It takes time and work. Talking it through and making some behavioral changes, is what it takes. If depression is determined by a professional, it might mean medication, as well. You may wish to discuss this with a doctor. Ask about an SSRI or a MAOI. (Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, or a monoamine oxidase inhibitor(

Facing the disappointment head on is usually the only way to put it in to your past. It is important to deal with it. If you don’t, it will again just end up buried. It will come out and when it does, it won’t be pretty. This is when we usually see the anger pouring out like hot lava during a volcanic eruption!

If your marriage is ending and any of these are pouring out or buried deep within your soul, you need to get some help. This can be very disruptive and you need to deal with it.

Learn to find ways to express these emotions in a productive manner. Take time to read, pray, exercise, cry a lot, find things to laugh about, seek out a good counselor, talk to a friend you trust etc.

Some people are so codependent they can’t be angry. They tend to feel guilty if they express anything unpleasant to another person. They tend to need to be needed so badly that they are controlled by their need to control. This can be even more dangerous than the explosive behavior because it is not predictable.  Remember that when we allow our emotions to confuse us, that is when we make bad or inappropriate decisions. Remember to pay attention to reason or logic. This my friend, could be the biggest challenge of all!